On Being a Mommy

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I have to say, I love my sweet baby boy.  I became a new person the second he was born & laid on my chest, a mother.  Now that I have had this new role for almost 8 months, I feel like I have all this new understanding and knowledge that you can only get from going through all we have been through in that time.  (Not that I don't feel completely clueless lots of the time!)  It still feels surreal that I really am a mom a lot of the time...but thankfully, most of what has gotten us through the last 8 months just kind of came naturally.

Everything seems like it has changed since before I became a mom.  Now nothing is about me, it's about my son.  I'm always forgetting (really I just don't have time) to eat or go hungry because I am busy with him.  My outfits have very little thought or effort wasted on them, but always pick out the cutest things for my little guy.  My hair and makeup is lucky to get done. I often forget my lunch but you can bet I always remember to pack bottles and baby food!

I feel so, so busy since becoming a parent!  I am in a constant cycle of work, feeding baby, changing baby, bathing baby, playing with baby, laundry, washing bottles, making dinner, cleaning up, and repeat.  It's exhausting!  I really didn't expect to feel so incredibly exhausted all of the time! i know now looking back people told me that it was tiring, but it is just hard to comprehend just.how.much work that a baby is!  And then I hear people say how much of an adjustment it is going from one baby to two and I'm like, "woah! I'm just trying to adjust to one right now...and maybe the four kids I originally wanted would be wayyyy too much for me to handle!"

Speaking of laundry...my goodness how can one tiny human produce so much laundry? It's ridiculous!  Between his clothes/bibs/burp cloths/towels/sheets and all of the things that he gets dirty more than they used to (our sheets/clothes), I can never get caught up! (Although the laundry does seem to be slowing down a bit now that the spitting up has become less frequent.)  And as far as washing bottles go, that has finally slacked up a bit since he is on formula only and eating more baby food.  But when I was pumping at work and he was eating every three hours and through the night, bottle washing literally about pushed me over the edge.  Seriously, during that (approximately) fifteen to twenty minutes a night I spent at the sink washing bottles, I probably said/thought some of the most hateful things ever just because I seriously despised it!  

Another new thing for me after becoming a mom is that I worry all the time. I have always heard people talk about the worries and guilt that comes from being a mom...but OMG...it's serious!  I remember my stomach just being so tight and feeling so anxious in those first few weeks Carter was here (thanks, hormones!)...and slowly it got better, but it still comes around more than I would like to admit.  I asked a coworker if it ever ends and she said she still worries about her daughter that is nearly my age!  So I guess there's lots more to look forward to!  Ugh, I don't even want to think about when he starts school and deals with bullies...or starts driving...or goes on his first date!

As far as my mom body, I had very little trouble losing the baby weight...I was super lucky in that.  I am actually down around 15 pounds from when I got pregnant (although I was as heavy as I had ever been).  Between breastfeeding and staying constantly busy I was able to lose it, but of course everything is different, even if I am smaller.  I am super self-consious about my gut and the stretch marks that showed up on my butt/inner thighs.  If I made a little more time to work out and tone up I would probably feel better, but I just can't seem to reserve the energy and time!  (excuses, I know!)  I also think it's no fair that you have to lose the nice-sized boobs when you finish breastfeeding!  I mean, they could at least hang around awhile as a reward or something.

As far as my relationship with Brent after having a baby together, I feel like it has just gotten even sweeter.  Seeing the love they have for one another makes me love the both of them even more!  But my other relationships, with friends and family, I feel have taken the back burner.  I hate not having much time left over for them, but it is just hard to make time to connect with everyone like I could before I was a mom.  Hopefully as time goes on and some more of my friends become moms, we will be able to have play dates together and see each other that way.

Overall, though, I have to say that being a mom is better than I ever could have imagined!