Making It...

Well, it has been over a week now since we found out we lost our baby.  I don't know what else to say but that we are making it.  We have been really busy because we have had our hardwood refinished so we haven't been able to stay at home.  Thankfully, my mom & step-dad took us in from Tuesday-Sunday.  Even Bella took a vacation from home!  

Hunting season came in this weekend so Brent stayed at deer camp while I hung out with my mom and sisters.  I think that was good for both of us.  Brent had some time with the boys and sitting in the woods along while I had time to talk to my mom, do some shopping, watch girly movies, and have some girls nights.  I needed that! 

I have definitely had my moments where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, and sometimes I let myself, but I have tried to keep it together when we are in public.  The worst part is that I feel like someone I'm not.  When I see all these people on Facebook saying they are pregnant and so sick, I just get so upset because I would give ANYTHING to be in their place.  I wish I could be sick, if  I could just have my baby back.  I get so jealous and think thoughts that I shouldn't!  It's not me, and I hope these feelings pass.  Hopefully with time they will.

Sometimes I feel like I am living a dream and that I will wake up and everything will be fine.  I wish that were the case!

I am still going to my OBGYN once a week to have blood drawn and labs run to check my hormone levels to be sure they are going down like they should be.  It is really hard going back in there surrounded by all the pregnant women and babies and knowing that just a few weeks ago I was more than excited to sit in that chair and get my blood drawn.  Now it is a different story.  When there is no baby as motivation to have blood drawn, it is no fun.  The nurse practitioner said wants the levels to be down to zero before we try for another baby.  I called to check what the results were and she said on Monday, when we found out we had miscarried, they were in the 3400's and on Friday they were in the 400's.  Hopefully they will drop fast because I feel like I am going to run out of blood soon!  I will go back this Friday to check them again.

Speaking of another baby, at first I was unsure of whether I would want to try for another baby so soon.  Brent told me there was no rush, that we could wait until I was ready again.  Once I thought about it, I realized that I feel like the only way I will feel better is to go ahead and try and hopefully things will turn out differently this time.  We were more than ready before this happened, so why shouldn't we be now?